G          F#      Am  D 
My father cut his toe off
G       F#    Am    D
In a rotary lawn mower
G                     D        Em
And my mother burst a blood vessel
Am                              D
When my younger brother went to jail

G                    D  Em 
So I told her not to worry
Am                       D
Not to get in such a flurry
G                      D   Em                   
We're just an ordinary family
Am             D    G C G
With the usual calamity

G           F#     Am      D
When I was just a virgin lad
G         F#       Am D  
My mother faked a suicide
G                      D         Em
Because she found the tell-tale sign
Am                   D
Of puberty upon the sheets
G                    D Em
So I told her not to worry
Am                       D  
Not to get in such a flurry
G              G       D  Em
We're just an ordinary family
Am             D    G C G
With the usual calamity

C                D        G C G
We always try to look our best
C                    D      G C G
We always take care when we dress
C         F#          Em  G
We always wear clean underwear
C                       Am
In case we're in an accident

D                            D
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, true
True, true, true, true, true, true, true, true

G        F#     Am      D
When I become a married man
G              F#    Am  D
With children of my very own
G              D          Em
Will I lay my inhibitions on
Am                        D
And criticise their sexuality?
G                  D       Em
Will I use them to protect respect?
Am                               D
Will I try to own them flesh and bone?
G                  D      Em 
Or will I be their equal friend
Am                     D
Encouraging their new ideas?

G                      D          Em
For the future lies within their hands
Am                             D
And the salvation of all these lands

G                 D  Em
Yes, the ordinary family
Am                        G    D
Is the only way to set us freeeeee
C      D     G          D
Set us free, set us freeeeee
C      D      G          D
Set us free, set us freeeeeee
C      D      G     
Set us free, set us free